tl;dr

Recently, I took a trip with my elderly father. What stood out to me was the kindness, generosity and decency of everyone we encountered. This contrasts with the general discourse highlighted every day online, or in politics. This seems to say that in person we are better. Somehow we need to get our true selves engaged more and our online avatars less. If we don’t things are going to go to shit.

“I’m inspired by the people I meet in my travels–hearing their stories, seeing the hardships they overcome, their fundamental optimism and decency.” ― Barack Obama

Common Decency

Recently, I took a trip with my dad. We flew from Albuquerque to Minneapolis via a connection in Denver. The purpose was a visit to the Mayo Clinic for treatment. My brother and his wife both work at Mayo and have access to care there for my dad. It was an extremely difficult trip because of my dad’s condition. He is 87, and has multiple medical issues including near blindness. He is quite weak and needs a wheelchair in the airport. Just for reference, I am 61 and while I am fit, strong, and vibrant; I’m not a young man. This was one of the hardest flights I’ve ever taken. By the time I handed my dad off to my brother, I was exhausted emotionally and tired physically.

When I reflected upon the day traveling, one thing stood out to me. Everyone we encountered was great. People were helpful. People were generous. People were kind. At every juncture, the airport employees, the airline employees, and our fellow passengers treated us wonderfully. People observed the situation and gave my dad deference and care. People helped us and stepped aside. Flight attendants were so helpful, ingenious, and kind. I saw lots of extra effort to help us and make the best of a very difficult situation. What I saw was Americans being the best versions of themselves and it was phenomenal. It was a tonic after the recent months of horror.

With everything else going on in the USA, it also made me say “What the fuck?”

Uncommon Indecency

“A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

The entire experience of this flight is in direct conflict with what we see elsewhere in American society. All the evidence would point to Americans being mean, cruel, and thoughtless. We see anger and ignorance everywhere. We just elected a petty, cruel, and selfish man as President. The incoming President displays these characteristics all the time. Somehow Americans overlooked his obvious shortcomings, and appalling character when voting. We are about to be led by someone who is the worst of us.

In person, I saw Americans who were the complete opposite. I saw people who exemplified the care and love of their common man. I saw something that gave me pride and hope. Yet in the engagement and discourse we see every day in the news and online, Americans are horrendous to others. We can all ask why? and examine the causes for this dissonance. One would think we want to be our best selves rather than our worst.

So WTF?

I think the key difference is the prevalence of our online self and remote discourse. The online world seems to encourage a level of vitriol and negativity commonly called trolling. Social media platforms like X (Twitter) and FaceBook thrive on this sort of awful dialog. We all say and talk to people in ways that we’d never do in person. Somehow society has transformed into a reflection of this dynamic more broadly. Our politics has become like social media and unremittingly ugly. We have decided to elect the trolls to run the country. Instead of the common decency I saw in person, we see ugliness and hate. A government is the reflection of its people. Rather than good and decency like we are in person, we have chosen evil and indecency.

In every respect our lives would be better off if Americans treated each other better. Having seen what is possible on this trip this much is obvious. People can be good to each other. They can act with kindness, love, and respect to their fellow man. This stands in stark and genuine contrast to the dynamic seen every day in the news and online. People have it in them to be better. I fear that we need to be led to do good. Right now, we are being led to be the opposite. I hope we do not lose sight of what is possible.

“For the powerful, crimes are those that others commit.” ― Noam Chomsky,