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Verification Is Essential; Verification is Broken

23 Sunday Mar 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

tl;dr

The practice of verification is absolutely essential for modeling and simulation quality. Yet, verification is not a priority; quality is not a priority. It is ignored by scientific research. This is because verification is disconnected from modeling. Also, it is not a part of active research. The true value of verification is far greater than simple code correctness. With verification, you can measure the error in the solution with precision. Given this, the efficiency of simulations can be measured accurately (efficiency equaling effort for given accuracy). Additionally, the resolution required for computing features can be estimated. Both of these additions to verification connect to the broader scientific enterprise of simulation and modeling. This can revitalize verification as a valued scientific activity.

“Never underestimate the big importance of small things” ― Matt Haig

The Value of Verification

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” ― Thomas Szasz

Conceptually, verification is a simple prospect. It has two parts; is a model correct in code and how correct is it? Verification is structured to answer this question. Part one about model correctness is called code verification. Part two is about accuracy called solution verification. This structure is simple and unfortunately lacks practical priority. This leads to the activity being largely ignored by science and engineering. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I’ve seen the evidence in scientific proposals. V&V is about evidence and paying attention to it. There is a need to change the underlying narrative around verification.

Under the current definition, code verification relies upon determining the order of accuracy for correctness. There is nothing wrong with this. The order of accuracy should match the design of the code (method) for correctness. This is connected to the fundamental premise of advanced computers. More computing leads to better answers, This is the process of convergence where solutions get closer to exact. This produces better accuracy. Today this premise is simply assumed and evidence of it is not sought. Reality is rarely that simple. Solution verification happens when you are modeling and do not have access to an exact solution. It is a process to estimate the numerical error. These two things complement each other.

“The body of science is not, as it is sometimes thought, a huge coherent mass of facts, neatly arranged in sequence, each one attached to the next by a logical string. In truth, whenever we discover a new fact it involves the elimination of old ones. We are always, as it turns out, fundamentally in error.” — Lewis Thomas

In code verification, you can also computer the error precisely. The focus on the order of convergence dims the attention to error. Yet the issue of error in science is primal. Conversely, the focus on errors in solution verification dims the order of convergence there. In doing work with verification both metrics need to be focused upon equally. Ultimately, the order of accuracy and diminishing of error should be emphasized.

As will be discussed later, the order of accuracy influences the efficiency mightily. A broad observation from my practical experience is that the order of accuracy in application modeling is low. It is lower than expected in theory. It is lower than the method designed going into codes. Thus, the order of convergence actually governs the efficiency of numerical modeling. This is combined with the error to determine the efficiency of the simulation.

“The game of science is, in principle, without end. He who decides one day that scientific statements do not call for any further test and that they can be regarded as finally verified, retires from the game.” — Karl Popper

Why Verification is Broken?

Verification is broken because it is disconnected from science. It has been structured to be irrelevant. In reviewing more than 100 proposals in modeling and simulation over a few years this is obvious. Verification as an activity is beneath mentioning. When it is mentioned it is out of duty. It is simply in the proposal call and mentioned because it is expected. There is little or no earnest interest or effort. Thus the view of the broader community is that verification is an empty activity, not worth doing. It is done out of duty, but not out of free will.

I should have seen this coming.

“True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.” — Karl Popper

Back in the mid-oughts (like saying that!) I was trying to advance methods for solving hyperbolic conservation laws. I had some ideas about overcoming the limitations of existing methods. In doing this work it was important to precisely measure the impact of my methods compared with existing methods. Verification is the way to do this. I highlighted this in the paper. The response to the community via the review process was negative,… very negative,… very fucking negative.

In the end, I had to remove the material to get the paper published. I got a blunt message from an associate editor, “if you want the paper published, get that shit out of your paper”. By “shit” they meant the content related to verification. I’ll also say this is someone I know personally, so the familiarity in the conversation is normal. Even worse this comes from someone with a distinguished applied math background with a great record of achievement. You find that most of the community despises verification.

I will note in passing that this person’s work actually does very well in verification. In another paper, I confirmed this. For more practical realistic problems it does far better than a more popular method. It would actually benefit greatly from what I propose below. What had become the publication standard was a purely qualitative measure of accuracy for the calculations that matter. Honestly, this attitude is stupid and shameful. It is also the standard that exists. As I will elaborate shortly, this is a massive missed opportunity. It is counter-productive to progress and adoption of better methods.

I found this situation to be utterly infuriating. It was deeply troubling to me too. When I stepped back to look at my own career path I realized the nexus of the problem. Back in the 1990’s I got into verification. I used verification to check the correctness of the code I wrote, but it was not the real value. I used verification to measure the efficiency and errors in the methods I developed. I used it to measure the error in the modeling I pursued. The direct measure of error and its comparison to alternatives was the reason I did it. It provides direct and immediate feedback on method development. These notions are absent from the verification narrative. Measuring and reducing errors is one of the core activities of science. It is the right way to conduct science.

Verification needs to embrace this narrative for it to have an impact.

How to Fix Verification?

“I ask you to believe nothing that you cannot verify for yourself.” — G.I. Gurdjieff

As noted above, the key to fixing verification is to keep both orders of accuracy and numerical accuracy in mind. This is true for both code and solution verification. The second part of the fix is expanding the utility of verification. Verification can measure the efficiency of methods. What I mean by efficiency requires a bit of explanation. The first thing is to define efficiency.

Simply put, efficiency is the amount of computational resources used to achieve a certain degree of accuracy. The resource would be defined by mesh size and number of time steps (degrees of freedom). The algorithm used to solve the problem would combine to define the amount of computer memory and a number of operations to use. Less is obviously better. Runtime for a code is a good proxy for this. Lower accuracy is also better. The convergence rate defines the relationship between the amount of effort and accuracy. The product of these two defines the efficiency. Lower is better for this composite metric.

The first time I published something that exposed this was with Jeff Greenough. We compared two popular methods on a set of problems. One was the piecewise linear method using Colella’s improvements (fourth-order slopes). It was a second-order method. The second method is the very popular Weighted ENO method, which is fifth-oder in space and third-order in time. Both of these methods are designed to solve shock wave problems. One might think that the fifth-order method should win every time. This is true if you’re solving a problem where this accuracy matters. The issue is that all the applications of these methods are limited to first-order at best.

“Science replaces private prejudice with public, verifiable evidence.” — Richard Dawkins

This is where the accepted practice breaks down. When Gary Sod published his test problem and method comparison the only metric was runtime. Despite having an analytical solution, no error was measured. Results for the Sod shock tube problem are always qualitative. Early on, results were bad enough that qualitative mattered. Today all the results are qualitatively good and vastly better than nearly 50 years ago. This is accepted practice and implies that there is no difference quantitively. This is objectively false. At a given mesh resolution the error differences are significant. I showed this with Jeff for two “good” methods. As I will further amplify in what follows, at the lower convergence rates in shocks the level of error means vast differences in efficiency. This is true in 1-D and becomes massive in 3-D (really 2-D and 4-D when you add in time).

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.” — Richard P. Feynman

It turns out that the 5th-order WENO method is about six times as expensive as the 2nd-order PLM scheme. This was true of the desktop computers of 2004. It is close to the same now. The WENO method might have better computational intensity and have advantages on modern GPUs. What we discovered was that the second-order method produced half the error of the WENO method on simple problems (Sod’s shock tube). Thus the WENO method didn’t really pay off. At first-order convergence, this would mean that WENO would need about 24 times the effort to match the accuracy of PLM. For problems with more structure, the situation gets marginally better for WENO. In terms of efficiency, WENO never catches up with PLM, ever. As we will shortly see in 3-D the comparison is even worse. The cost of refining the mesh is much more costly and the accuracy advantage grows.

“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

If This is Done, Verification’s Value Skyrockets

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ― Oscar Wilde

Let’s consider a simple example to explain. Consider a method that is twice as expensive and twice as accurate as another method. The methods produce the same order of convergence. The order of convergence matters a great deal in determining efficiency. Consider three-dimensional time-dependent calculations. If the methods are fourth-order accuracy there is a break even. For any lower order of convergence the higher cost, more accurate method wins. The lower the order of convergence the greater the difference. For first-order the advantage is a factor of eight. By the time you drop to half-order convergence, the advantage grows to 128 times.

This example provides a powerful punchline to efficiency. If the order of accuracy is fixed, the level of accuracy makes a huge difference in efficiency. This points to the power of both algorithms and verification in demonstrating the metrics. It is absolutely essential for verification to amplify its impact on science.

“It’s easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It’s a lot more difficult to perform one.” — Chuck Palahniuk

For problems solving hyperbolic PDEs, the convergence rates are well defined by theory. For the nonlinear compressible structures, the rate is defined as first-order. For linear waves (that Lax defined as linearly degenerate) the convergence rate is less than one. Thus the impact of accuracy is greater. In my experience, first-order accuracy is optimistic for practical application problems. Invariably the accuracy for practical problems codes are applied to are low order. Thus the accuracy for smooth problems where code verification is done has little relevance. This can show that the method is correct as derived, but not relate to the method’s use.

Code verification needs to focus on results that relate more directly to how methods are used practically. This is a challenge that needs focused research. Rather than a check done before use practically, code verification needs utility in the practical use. Today this is largely absent. This must change.

The other great use is the study of efficiency. With Moore’s law, dead and buried algorithms are the path to computational progress. In addition, the use of verification is needed for the expanding use of machine learning (ML, the techniques used for artificial intelligence). The greatest gaps for ML are the absence of theory to support verification. This is closely followed by a lack of accepted practice. Again, this supports algorithm development, which is the path to progress when computing and data are limited.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” ― Albert Einstein

Greenough, J. A., and W. J. Rider. “A quantitative comparison of numerical methods for the compressible Euler equations: fifth-order WENO and piecewise-linear Godunov.” Journal of Computational Physics 196, no. 1 (2004): 259-281.

Rider, William J., Jeffrey A. Greenough, and James R. Kamm. “Accurate monotonicity-and extrema-preserving methods through adaptive nonlinear hybridizations.” Journal of Computational Physics 225, no. 2 (2007): 1827-1848.

Sod, Gary A. “A survey of several finite difference methods for systems of nonlinear hyperbolic conservation laws.” Journal of computational physics 27, no. 1 (1978): 1-31.

Colella, Phillip. “A direct Eulerian MUSCL scheme for gas dynamics.” SIAM Journal on Scientific and Statistical Computing 6, no. 1 (1985): 104-117.

Jiang, Guang-Shan, and Chi-Wang Shu. “Efficient implementation of weighted ENO schemes.” Journal of computational physics 126, no. 1 (1996): 202-228.

Majda, Andrew, and Stanley Osher. “Propagation of error into regions of smoothness for accurate difference approximations to hyperbolic equations.” Communications on Pure and Applied Mathematics 30, no. 6 (1977): 671-705.

Banks, Jeffrey W., T. Aslam, and William J. Rider. “On sub-linear convergence for linearly degenerate waves in capturing schemes.” Journal of Computational Physics 227, no. 14 (2008): 6985-7002.

Trust, But Verify (for Computing)

14 Friday Mar 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

tl;dr

A faster computer is always a good thing. It is not the best way to get faster or better results. A better program (or method or algorithm) is as important, if not more so. A new algorithm can be transformational and create new value. The faster computer also depends on a correct program, which isn’t a foregone conclusion. Demonstrating that things are done right is also difficult. Technically, this is called verification. Here, we get at the challenges of doing verification across the computing landscape. This is especially true as machine learning (AI) grows in importance where verification is not possible today.

“The man of science has learned to believe in justification, not by faith, but by verification.” ― Thomas H. Huxley

The Basic Premise of Better Computing

All of us have experienced the joy of a faster computer. We buy a new laptop and it responds far better than the old one. Faster internet is similar and all of a sudden streaming is routine and painless. If your phone has more memory you can more freely shoot pictures and video at the highest resolution. At the same time, the new computer can bring problems we all recognize. Often our software does not move smoothly over to the new computer. Sometimes a beloved program is incompatible with the new computer and a new one must be adopted. This sort of change is difficult whenever it is encountered.

Each of these commonplace things has a parallel issue in the more technical professional computing world. There are places where proving the improvement from the new computer is difficult. In some cases, it is so difficult that it is actually an article of faith, not science. It is in these areas where science needs to step up and provide means to prove. My broad observation that the faster, bigger computer as a good thing is largely an article of faith. Without the means to prove it, we are left to believe. Belief is not science or reliable. By and large, we are not doing the necessary work to make this a fact. This means recognizing where the gaps result in the faith is being applied dangerously.

A more critical issue is the recession of algorithmic progress. As we struggle to have faster computers as in the past, algorithms are the means to progress. Instead, we have doubled down on computers as they become worse paths to progress. This is just plain stupid. Algorithmic progress requires different strategies for adopting risky failure-prone research. Progress in algorithms occurs in leaps and bounds after long fallow periods. It also requires investments in thinking particularly in mathematics.

“If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” ― Henry Ford

Verification in Classical Computational Science

“Trust, but verify.” ― Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky

Where this situation is the clearest is traditional computational science. In areas where computers are employed to solve science problems classically, the issues are well known. To a large extent, mathematical foundations are firmly established and employed. The math is a springboard for progress. A long and storied track record of achievement exists to provide examples. For the most part, this area drove early advances in computing and laid the groundwork for today’s computational wonders. For most of the history of computing, scientific computing drove all the advances. All of it is built on a solid foundation of mathematics and domain science. Today progress lacks these advantages.

In no area was the advance more powerful than the solution of (partial) differential equations. This was the original killer app. Computers were employed to design nuclear weapons, understand the weather, simulate complex materials, and more. These tasks produced the will to create generations of supercomputers. It also drove the creation of programming languages and operating systems. Eventually, computers leaked out to be used for business purposes. Tasks such as accounting were obvious along with related business systems. Still scientific computing was the vanguard. It is useful to examine its foundations. More importantly, it is useful to see where the foundations in other areas are weak. We have a history of success to guide our path ahead.

The impact of computing on society today is huge and powerful It forms the basis of powerful businesses. The incredible run-up of the stock market is all computing. The promise of artificial intelligence is driving recent advances. Most of this is built on a solid technical foundation. In key areas of progress, the objective truth of improvements is flimsy. This is not good. We are ignoring history. In the long run, we are threatening the sustainability of progress and economic success. We need sustained strategic investment in mathematical foundations and algorithmic research. If not, we put the entire field at extreme risk.

If one goes back to the origins of computational science, the use of it showed promise first. First in application to nuclear weapons then rapidly with weather and climate. Based on this success the computers were advanced as the technology was refined. As these efforts began to yield progress mathematics joined. One of the key bits of theoretical work was conditions for proper numerical solutions of models. Chief among this theory was the equivalence theorem by Peter Lax (along with Robert Richymyer). This theorem established conditions for the convergence of solutions to the exact solution of models. Convergence means that as more computing is applied, the solution gets closer to exact.

This is the theoretical justification for more computing. More computing power produces more accuracy. This is a pretty basic assumption made with computing, but it does not come for free. To get convergence the methods must do things correctly. In the same breath, the theory of how to do things better as well. Just as importantly, the theorem gives us guidance on how to check for correctness. This is the foundation for the practice of verification.

In verification, we can do many things. In its simplest form, we get evidence of the correctness of the method. We can get evidence that the method is implemented and provides the accuracy advertised. This is essential for trustworthy, credible computational results. With these guarantees in place, the work done with computational science can be used with confidence. This confidence then allows it to be invested in and trusted. The verification and theory provided confident means to improve methods and measure the impact. For 70 years this has been a guiding light for computational science.

We should be paying attention to its importance moving forward. We are not.

Machine Learning and Artificial Intelligence Are An Issue

“If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” ― John von Neumann

More recently, the promise of artificial intelligence (AI) has grabbed the headlines. Actually, the technical foundation for AI is machine learning (ML). The breakthrough of generative AI with Large Language Models (LLMs) has rightly captured the world’s imagination and interest. A combination of algorithm (method) advances with high-end computing, powers LLMs. These LLMs are one of the strongest driving forces in the World economically. Their power is founded partly on the fruits of computational science discussed above. This includes computers, software, and algorithms. Unfortunately, the history of success is not being paid sufficient attention to.

The current developments and investments in AI/ML are focused on computers (Big Iron following the exascale program’s emphasis). Secondarily software is given much attention. Missing investments and attention are algorithms and applied math. We seem to have lost the ability to provide focus and attention on laying the ground for algorithm advances. A key driver for algorithmic advances is applied mathematics where the theory guides practice.

For the formative years of computational science applied math gave key guidance. Theoretical advances and knowledge are essential to progress. Today that experience seems to be on the verge of being forgotten. The irony is that the LLM breakthrough in the past few years was dominated by algorithmic innovation. This is the transformer architecture. The attention mechanism is responsible for the phase transition in performance. It is what produced the amazing LLM results that grabbed everyone’s notice. Investments in mathematics could provide avenues for the next advance.

What is missing today is much of the mathematical theory driving credibility and trustworthy methods.

One of the essential aspects of computational science is the concept of convergence. Convergence means more computation yields better results. Mathematics provides the theory underpinning this idea. The process to demonstrate this is known as verification. In verification, convergence is used to prove the correctness and accuracy of algorithms. One of the biggest problems for AI/ML is the lack of theory. This problem is a lack of rigor. Thus the process of verification is not available. Furthermore, the understanding of accuracy for AI/ML is similarly threadbare. Investments and focus to fill these gaps is needed and long overdue.

One of the problems is that this research is extremely difficult and success is not guaranteed. It is likely to be failure-prone and takes some time. Nonetheless, the stakes of not having such a theory are growing. Moreover, success would likely provide pathways for improving algorithms. Many essential ML methods are ill-behaved and perform erratically. Better mathematical theory involving convergence could pave the way for better ML. The theory tells us what works and how to structurally improve techniques. This is what happened in computational science. We should expect the same for AI/ML. Likely, this work would significantly improve trust in systems as well. The combination of trust, efficiency, and accuracy should sufficiently inspire investments. This is if a logical-rational policy was in place.

It is not. Either by the government or the private enterprise. We will all suffer for this lack of foresight.

“Today’s scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. ” ― Nikola Tesla

Algorithms Win and Verification Matters

Anyone who has read my writing knows that algorithms are a clear winning path for computing. Verification is the testing and measurement of algorithmic performance. If one is interested in better computing algorithmic verification is a vehicle for progress. Verification is about producing evidence of correctness and performance. This provides a concrete measurement of algorithmic performance, which can be an engine for progress. In a future without Moore’s law algorithms are the path to improvement.

“Pure mathematics is in its way the poetry of logical ideas.” ― Albert Einstein

As I’ve written before, algorithmic improvement is currently hampered by a lack of support. Some of this is funding and the rest is risk aversion. Algorithmic research is highly failure prone and progress is episodic. A great deal of tolerance for risk and failure is necessary for algorithm advances. All of this can benefit from a focused verification effort. This can measure the impact of work and provide immediate feedback. The mathematical expectations underpinning verification can also provide the basis for improvements. This math provides focus and inspiration for work.

“We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.” ― Alan Turing

Who is Leading?

22 Saturday Feb 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

tl;dr

There is a fundamental problem with leadership in the USA. They don’t seem to exist. The supposed national leaders like Trump and Musk aren’t. They destroy in the name of greed and corruption. They pose as leaders. Our supposed leaders aren’t honest or direct with people. In their own way, all of them lie to us. It is time to have leaders who deal with objective reality and fix problems. People are hungry for real leaders, and current events will only fuel that hunger.

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.” ― Jim Rohn

The Problem

I had an entirely different topic teed up for the week. I was thinking about the balance between nostalgia and progress. Then the week happened. I needed to address the rampaging elephant in the room. We have a “leader” who is destroying our Nation through an avalanche of stupidity, raw power, and greed. On the other hand, I was locally offered an example of how current leadership fails. We get more toxic positivity and failure to directly address reality. Instead, we get a filter where only positive things are spoken openly.

“He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader.” ― Aristotle

I always worry when I’m writing from the heart and my heart is angry. I am definitely angry these days. This anger comes from the event we all see unfolding in the news. Trump and Musk are trampling the Constitution with impunity. The USA may not be a democracy in weeks if it still is. Our government is being fed into the chipper shredder. Cruelty, stupidity, ignorance, and incompetence are on display almost beyond bounds. I am also angry at the impotence of the Democrats in the face of this. I am angry at the cowardice and meekness of my work leaders. How anyone with a working brain can see business as usual today is beyond imagination. Yet, this is what I see. Work is just business as usual while a Category 5 Political-Hurricane is making landfall. Disaster and catastrophe are upon us.

It is very clear that most voters are fed up with the Nation’s direction. A clear majority thinks things are broken. I am among them. The whole secret to Trump’s success is that he is different. To many he seems strong and challenges all our norms. This is less about Trump’s qualities than the failures of existing leadership. Enough voters simply ignored his legion of faults and put him in charge. They ignored his endless lies and corruption along with a lifetime of criminal behavior. The reason they did this is a scathing indictment of our pathetic leadership class. A reality TV show star is seen as being better.

“Never confuse movement with action.” ― Ernest Hemingway

The Problem Up Close

“Failure doesn’t define you. It’s what you do after you fail that determines whether you are a leader or a waste of perfectly good air.” ― Sabaa Tahir

I got to see another example of how pathetic our institution’s leaders are recently. We had a great internal workshop that brought together one of our big programs. It was great to see the work and all the people. The program has many wonderful, smart, and talented people. The problem is that our leadership is pretty standard these days. Therefore they are shitty and weak. There is little honesty or courage to be seen. It mirrors all the issues responsible for putting Trump in office. It is worth taking a look at why. Once the carnage that Trump and Musk transpires we might get to rebuild something to be proud of. That is if we have leaders worth a shit.

Why is the leadership so shitty? One way of pointing to it is a habit of practicing toxic positivity. Basically, profound and obvious problems are simply ignored in public. The public face is unremittingly positive and any voice that speaks reality is refuted. You cannot talk about problems openly. If you do, you are criticized. The end result is a lack of credibility for the leadership. Whenever they talk about something you really know about, you see the lies. You see the omissions of problems. If you know the ground truth, the gaps with reality are vast. I remember talking to someone at a class I took who told me a story. They had an all-hands meeting where a certain program was lauded. In the afternoon that program was cancelled. Management credibility was too.

They are bullshitting people or they aren’t competent enough to see actual problems. I’m not sure what is worse?

I asked a specific question about an important topic, artificial intelligence. I pointed out that security issues have undermined all the greatest breakthroughs in information technology locally. Search is the primal example from the late 90’s. When Google came out and introduced it, their search was an epiphany. The internet opened up and became something magical. Conversely, our internal search sucks. It sucks because it can’t see the data that would make it work well. We’ve also blown the benefits of smartphones and social media. I wondered “Are we going to blow it with AI too?” It is a reasonable question. Given their track record, we should assume they will fuck this up too. They will certainly fuck this up if they don’t admit the faults of the past.

Yes, I politely asked this without any expletives. I’ll note in passing that this is another way Trump’s norm-breaking signals that he’s different.

Our leader’s response was “Well that was harsh”.

It’s amazing how incapable of taking any critique they are. If they were actual leaders this wouldn’t happen. Rather than welcome someone being honest and direct, they deflect. These “leaders” are more interested in making everything sound good and in control. This was followed by the usual chickenshit bullshit answer too. They’re always on top of things, yet things never get fixed. So, it was another plea for new leadership. It is another reason to think they’ll never make things better. In summary, these attitudes render capable people completely incompetent and unfit to lead. Our culture is prizing toxic positivity, and the comfort of institutions over actual leadership.

Suddenly, I looked at what was happening to the Nation and it became clear. The absolute failure of our usual leaders paved the way for our budding dictatorship. It is on the verge of triggering a Constitutional crisis that will end the USA as a functioning democracy. All because our leaders won’t lead and won’t deal with a reality teeming with problems.

The Solution is a Bigger Problem

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ― George Bernard Shaw

Because we have lived with these pathetic leaders for decades, we now sit at the edge of catastrophe. For years people have increasingly hungered for change and actual leaders. This has laid the groundwork for the horrible choice Americans made recently. People are so hungry for leadership that they chose a fake reality show CEO as President. Worse yet, someone devoid of deep ideas with an endless appetite for corruption, law-breaking, and cruelty. Instead of finding brave competent leaders who set an example and solve problems, we have the opposite. The cure is almost certain to be worse. We sit at the precipice of a catastrophe that may effectively destroy a nation.

This seems to be the desire for action and movement of any sort. Most of the leaders today simply cannot deal with the balance between good and bad news. Their collective approach of highlighting the good while ignoring the bad has fueled a slow steady decline. Problems are allowed to fester and grow without relief year after year. In my own institutions, I have witnessed the constant erosion year after year. People across the country see the same as a slow decline. We see the decline in our institutions and feel a growing malaise. It is this feeling and lack of action by traditional leaders that has brought us to the brink of disaster. It has become a habit and is accepted without complaint.

We have the problem of growing inequality and our leadership is drawn from those benefiting from it. They do not feel the weight of our collective problems. Their world is different from those they lead. The additional complication is that fixing things is really hard. The status quo is easy. Destroying things is also very easy. Since lazy greedy people have been in charge they take the easy route. The new easy route is destruction. Destruction is what we are going to get. For many Americans this destruction is going to look like action. This action will ultimately meet reality and that reality is going to be brutal.

Americans are well-to-do and generally prosperous. A big component of this is delivered by the stability of the governance. Without this stability we will start to see economic shocks and prosperity will begin to suffer. The tech base of the country is driven by science funded by the government. This is true of our computer-based tech and medical treatments. Without stability, the economic engines created will start to unravel. Without the government and stable infrastructure, the economy will begin to sputter. National security and defense provide safety and protection. This will begin to crumble too. All of this will begin to hurt people and support for the destruction will end. The better option would be to address problems carefully keeping stability and safety intact while fixes are pursued.

Reality-Based Leadership

What is the change in leadership needed?

We need leadership that deals squarely with objective reality. They need to stop thinking that they can wish cast reality into existence. Instead, they should step up and confront reality and challenge us to fix problems directly. This is the change we need. People are sick and tired of leaders who try to message success and the reality they want. Leaders should be honest and direct asking people to do the hard work and sacrifices to implement genuine repairs. For too long our leaders have pretended that things can fixed easily with minimal effort.

These leaders are rejected by institutions. They challenge the status quo and produce discomfort. For too long this has been rejected as unacceptable. Instead, the institutions should adopt a spirit of continuous improvement. Do not rest on past accomplishments, but seek new advances. If we were always seeking to be better, we might have avoided today’s crisis. Ultimately the thing missing is the sense of progress. The stagnation and decline are the seeds of destruction now being harvested. We need to have the opposite. If people know that things are being fixed and improvement is afoot they will go with that. Ignoring reality and wish casting success is not the path to stability.

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” ― Peter Drucker

The Real Path To An Efficient Government?

07 Friday Feb 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

tl;dr

There is no doubt that our government is wildly inefficient. The USA could benefit greatly from dramatic improvement. At the same time, virtually every function of government is necessary and desired. The government is the large-scale structure of order for humanity. Our government is inefficient primarily due to a lack of trust. This leads to many expensive checks on everything done. Changes by untrustworthy corrupt leadership will do little to fix anything. It will just make the underlying problems worse. In addition, the destruction of the government yields chaos and suffering. Instead, we need to fix government by getting at the core of mistrust.

The State of Things Today

“Efficiency is doing the thing right. Effectiveness is doing the right thing.” ― Peter F. Drucker

I work for the government and I can see gross inefficiency everywhere I look. The situation is dire and needs to be addressed. The work I do is itself inefficient and my support has a vast overhead that does little or nothing productive. Nothing would make me happier than seeing this improve dramatically.

Right now, the fight for government efficiency is being taken up by DOGE led by Elon Musk. I have no doubt that it will be a complete failure and disaster.

The reason why DOGE will fail is twofold. People like Trump and Musk are part of the reason the government is so inefficient. Much of what we do is related to corruption and greed. The second reason is their desire to simply remove government from business’ way. Regulation and government are a societal hedge against business irresponsibility toward society when profit is at stake. This will simply create destruction and in the long run power the very reasons government is so inefficient to new heights. We will just see the government gutted with corruption and greed supercharged. Of course, it is most likely that DOGE is a trojan horse for a huge executive power grab and assault on the separation of powers. Efficiency is simply a marketing label to make DOGE seem like a good idea to people who aren’t paying attention.

I work for a contractor doing government work supporting our National defense. We are a GOCO, government-owned contractor operated. As such we have to comply with all sorts of regulations, directives, and laws. We are incredibly inefficient. Many of our employees spend their effort executing low-value work defined by the government’s directives. Those directives are usually a combination of executive and legislative actions. In that sense, it is the will of the American people. A good bit of these directives directly impact me and the time I spend at work. These are a whole bunch of no-value actions that you must do. They add nothing to the science-engineering product I work for.

The key question is why do I have to do all this shit? Most of this shit has low value and detracts from my real efforts. In addition, this all costs a lot of money to pay “support” people. Time away from being productive is another drain on money. Together it equals government waste and lack of efficiency. Moreover, these burdens of time and money have grown without bound my entire career. When I examine the underlying reasons for virtually every inefficiency there is a common thread. All of this stuff is related to trust; or more specifically, a lack of it.

One of the big drains on my time is mandatory training. All the training is based on executing various regulations to show compliance. The training is generically horrible and takes a lot of energy to pay attention to. We have other processes like our timecard, our accounting, document control, and information classification that all cost a lot of time and money. Our purchasing process is extremely time and documentation-heavy. This costs extra money. When you examine the underlying thought process it all equals a lack of trust. It requires a mentality that anything we do needs to be checked. We need to make sure I don’t fuck up or do something wrong. My professional experience, judgment, and knowledge are suspect and useless. It is really simply a vast statement of lack of respect too.

I cannot be trusted to make decisions.

What is Government For?

Humans are social animals. Groups of humans working together is the sole reason for our success. Physically, humans are truly weak. Yes, we have great intellect, but most of it is useless without other people. If humans were just individuals they would be food, and likely gone extinct. At the largest scale, the ability for humans to cooperate is government. It is essential for a town, state, or nation. The government is the very identity of our collective groups. The USA is defined by the government. This makes the hate of the government by so many, basically self-hatred.

Humans have a distinct limit on their capability to interact with others deeply. Evidence is that the limit is on the order of 100-150 people. The success of humanity is operating at the level of thousands or millions of people. To do this we need systems and institutions we all can coordinate our actions through. The assemblage of these systems and institutions is government. The government operates through a rulebook we know as the law. Thus the government coordinates the actions of the entire population. It cannot be distinguished from the people themself. The government is us. All of this should run on faith in the institutions. This is trust. What we really have in the United States today is a complete lack of trust.

Ideally, the government should be working for the best outcomes for the population. This is not happening. The way this has occurred is a draining of societal trust. It is a combination of social media, wealth inequality, corruption, and change that’s undermined it. The reaction to all of this is regulation. Every break in trust is met with regulation and regulation is expensive. A big part of this is the behavior of corporations. Basically corporate interest is now purely greed. That greed is not moderated by ethics or social cost. If they can make more money they will lie, cheat and steal. They will discriminate or pollute without any limits. Because of this we regulate and use that as the hedge to unbridled greed. The problem is that regulation is a very inefficient way to achieve the necessary limits.

“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.” ― Edward R. Murrow

Breaking the System

“Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.” ― James Bovard

In all likelihood what the Trump administration will do is destroy much of our system. We can expect much of government to be shattered and broken in a couple years. The function of everything broken will simply drop. The need for these functions will not disappear. Every part of our current government is built to solve a societal problem. The inefficiency of the delivery is a completely different issue. If the government function is destroyed the problem will assert itself anew. It will not be efficient; it simply won’t be there.

Ein Stapel Akten liegt auf einem Schreibtisch in einer Behörde in Frankfurt (Oder), aufgenommen am 06.09.2007 (Symbolbild zum Thema Börokratie). Foto: Patrick Pleul +++(c) dpa – Report+++ | usage worldwide

We do need to recognize that our current inefficiency is the product of largess. After World War 2 the USA stood atop the world economically with wealth and power unrivaled. The only hedge against this supremacy was worry about the threat of the Soviet Union and nuclear armageddon. This allowed the USA to be extremely inefficient and get away with it. Those days are gone now. The USA is extremely rich, but also extremely unequal. The wealth is concentrated amongst a very small group. This state is corrosive to social trust and the seeds of revolution. It leads to instability that either leads to chaos or authoritarian rule. Neither outcome is good for a Nation.

“A really efficient totalitarian state would be one in which the all-powerful executive of political bosses and their army of managers control a population of slaves who do not have to be coerced, because they love their servitude.” ― Aldous Huxley

How a grifter like Trump or a greedy oligarch like Musk can fix this defies logic. People like them are the very reason the inefficient system exists. At the end of their destruction of government, the likely response is even less trust. That lack of trust will yield even less efficiency. The outcome will be chaos and suffering followed by even less trust and greater needless cost. Their efforts will not end well. Because the real root of the inefficiency is not addressed, the problem will simply compound. In the end, the population as a whole will suffer.

“People shouldn’t be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.” ― Alan Moore

Fixing the System

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Americans would be far better off if we fixed the system by repairing it. As always to fix something, you need to know what is wrong with it. Fortunately, the root cause of government inefficiency is simple. A lack of trust. Or more to the point the lack of trust. The thing to realize is that failure of trust is extremely expensive. The government red tape is mostly related to not trusting our fellow Americans. We waste most of our money making sure other Americans aren’t wasting or stealing money.

“Government has three primary functions. It should provide for military defense of the nation. It should enforce contracts between individuals. It should protect citizens from crimes against themselves or their property. When government– in pursuit of good intentions tries to rearrange the economy, legislate morality, or help special interests, the cost come in inefficiency, lack of motivation, and loss of freedom. Government should be a referee, not an active player.” ― Milton Friedman

Milton Friedman is the architect of shareholder value being the sole purpose of business. He is the founder of the level of inequality we see today. One of his mistakes was that wealth provides a way to pay off the ref. Today, the refs are owned by the business. His perspective like almost all extreme points of view is out of balance. Today, we are living with the consequences of this oversight and mistake. It is important to see how this mistake contributes to government being inefficient. Government becomes the friction society needs to control excesses of greed and power.

There are a bunch of steps we should be taking (and won’t any time soon). Chief among these is corporate governance. We would be far better off if corporate interests were aligned with the population’s interests. If greed was tempered with social and societal good, regulation could be moderated. Instead, we exist in a world where corporate decision-making is pure greed. Shareholder value is their North Star. Regulation is the only thing standing between them and ethical and moral crimes. Now corporate interests and oligarchs can buy the law. If the regulatory environment (the administrative state) is wrecked they will run wild. A catastrophe will follow at some point. Trust will plummet further and the reaction will end up being opposite to the intent. Society will be harmed and the population will suffer. This will not end well at all.

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have faith.” ― Paulo Coelho

Watching Regression of Progress Live

30 Thursday Jan 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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ai, artificial-intelligence, machine-learning, tech, technology

tl;dr

When I examine the arc of my career I see a repeated over-emphasis on focusing on computers instead of balanced progress. The first epoch happened in the mid-1990’s where buying fast computers was sold to replace nuclear testing. We are in the midst of a longer period of only focusing on computers (the Exascale project). This is a simple narrative and sells. It is also wrong. Progress depends on support for broader activities. The result is a diminished level of progress. We are witnessing this again with AI via DeepSeek’s revelations this week.

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.” ― Steve Jobs

Progress is not Guaranteed

I’ve devoted my life to science and its progress. The promise of doing exactly this was the reason I joined Los Alamos back in 1989. Their track record in science was stellar, powered by a pantheon of science superstars. I was honored and lucky to join them. At that time Los Alamos still had a marvelous spirit of discovery. I benefited from a fantastic sense of generosity from my fellow scientists who shared their knowledge with me. It made me who I am, and shaped my career. The other thing that has been a centerpiece of my career there and later is stockpile stewardship. This program is the care and understanding of the nuclear weapons stockpile using science and engineering. A big part of this program is the use of modeling and simulation as a tool so that testing the nukes is unnecessary.

A big part of modeling and simulation is computers. The truth is that the bigger the computer the better. Well, not necessarily big, but faster computers are “always” better. There is a caveat to the “always” that needs deep consideration. Faster and bigger is always better comes with caveats and those conditions are subtle and complex. Being subtle and complex they are ignored. Ignored at our peril. Even science has succumbed to the superficial nature of today’s society. In a nutshell, many technical fundamentals need to be in place for the bigger and faster is better to hold. Today those fundamentals are at risk. The risk comes from them being ignored with astounding regularity.

To review, one of the key aspects of stockpile stewardship when it was initiated in the mid-1990s was simulating nuclear weapons. The original approach was basically to put computer codes on the fastest computers in the World. The program happened exactly at the time that the basic approach to high-performance computing changed from Cray vector computers to massively parallel computing. This meant rewriting the codes to use this new type of computer. The process of replacing the old codes (deemed legacy codes) was difficult. This was because the legacy codes were used to design and analyze weapons during the test era. So the legacy codes were subjected to repeated testing against difficult experiments. Thus legacy codes were trusted and ably used. Therefore they were held onto and revered almost as sacred. It took more than a decade to replace them and it was a mighty struggle.

The program did not explicitly want to produce better codes with better methods or algorithms or physics. Nonetheless, some of this happened because methods, algorithms, and physics make a big difference in modeling quality. This almost happened in a subrosa fashion as modernized codes only really meant codes running on modern computers.

Simple Narratives Win

“Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation.” ― Richard Feynman

The reason for this is easy to see. A faster computer is obviously better than a slower computer. The speed makes for an easy narrative about improvement. We live in an age where simple narratives rule. The public and politicians alike seem to recoil from complex and subtle explanations or solutions. In the wake of this trend, we see a loss of effectiveness and a massive waste of resources. The constant din of a simple solution to progress is reliance on computing power to solely carry progress. This did not make sense in the era when Moore’s law was in effect. It makes even less sense with Moore’s law being dead.

Moore’s law was an empirical law about the growth of power in computing over a long period. It was first observed by Gordon Moore in 1965 and held until around 2015. It was a powerful exponential law that had computer power doubling every 18 months to 2 years. If one does the math over that 50-year period (a factor of about a million). This yields phenomenal speed-ups in computing. Physical limits of computing hardware basically led to the slowing down and end of Moore’s law. Computers are speeding up, but much more slowly now. The response to the government funding was to then focus on computing, which is mind-blowing. The money was applied to try to bring the dead patient to life. This produced the National Exascale program with its focus on computing hardware.

Why is this so dumb?

Over the long history of computational science other advances have been as beneficial as computing power. In a nutshell, algorithmic advances have led to more improvements than computing. In the modern era, the focus and support for algorithmic advances have slowed to a trickle. Even in the early years the algorithmic advances received less support but had an equal or greater impact on computing capability. Nonetheless, the support never reflected the value of the approach. The reasons will be explored next.

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” ― Albert Einstein

Algorithmic advances never created the sort of steady improvement of Moore’s law. They tend to be episodic and unpredictable. Modern project management is not suitable for such things. Progress is often fallow for long periods with a sudden advance. In a low-trust environment, this is unacceptable. Algorithmic research is extremely risky. Again, the risk is something that low trust annihilates. The long-term impact of the failure to invest in algorithmic work is a profound and massive reduction in computing benefits. I would argue that we have lost orders of magnitude of computing ability through a lack of investment in algorithms alone.

Reality is Complex

As I was writing the news broke of DeepSeek, the Chinese AI Chatbot that shattered the narratives around LLMs. The assumptions that American companies and the government had about advancing AI were overturned.

Why did this happen?

Our actions as a nation forced the Chinese to adapt and innovate. American companies were following the path of brute force. This was exactly like the computational science’s exascale program. The warning signs have been brewing for a while. The LLMs are running out of data to scale. We are running out of computer power too. The energy demands were huge and excessive. We are starting to see AI as a threat to the environment. The training of LLM models is inefficient and very expensive. In a nutshell, the brute force approach was about to collapse as a source of progress. This was predictable.

This problem was ripe for disruption and a bolt from the blue. DeepSeek looks like that bolt.

I will return to this. The narrative applies to our approach to computational science more broadly. We have an overreliance on brute force while discounting and ignoring the power of innovation and efficiency. We can all see the lessons embedded in the DeepSeek episode unfolding have been present and obvious for years. Obvious does not mean that they are acknowledged. Obvious does not compel our leaders to action. The overreliance on computing power is a simple narrative that is hard to dislodge unless is smacks us in the face.

Here is the truth and a lesson worth holding close. Reality is a real motherfucker. Reality is complex and dangerous. Reality will eventually win every battle. Reality is undefeated. Reality will fuck you up. This is the maxim of “fuck around and find out.”

There are many paths to progress. As exemplified by the DeepSeek example when we are denied the obvious path, people innovate. In computational science in the USA, we have made computer power the obvious choice. At the same time, other paths are ignored and systematically divested from. In some cases, paths to progress are explicitly removed from possibility. This looks like a doubling down on the focus on the approach being taken even as evidence piles up that it’s stupid. The worst part of this is the outright ignorance and avoidance of learning from the past. We ought to know better because the evidence is overwhelming.

Balance and Opportunity

“The formulation of the problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill.” ― Albert Einstein

Over the long time computational science has progressed on many fronts. There is no doubt that raw computing power is part of the reason. Computers are tangible and obvious signposts to progress. Various eras of computational science are clearly marked by the computers used to do the science. Early computers are far different than vector crays, or massively parallel computers. Today’s massive GPU computers and data centers are emblematic of today. Models, algorithms, and computer codes are far more abstract and less obvious to the casual observer. Nonetheless, the abstract aspects of progress are essential, and perhaps more important.

The models produced by the codes are solved using algorithms that harness computer power. The computers are useless without them. A bad algorithm assures that the computer itself is used ineffectively and wastes time and energy. Almost the entire utility of modeling and simulation is bound to modeling, thus its importance. Computer code has become an important part of modern life with an entire discipline devoted to it. At least the code is somewhat paid attention to.

The problem with models and algorithms is twofold. Above I focused upon the abstract nature of them as a problem. Being abstract they are difficult to understand. They have a second more difficult issue surrounding their progress. This is the episodic nature of progress. Both models and algorithms require difficult theoretical work highly prone to failure for progress. Often improvements are many years apart with extensive failure. At the same time when modeling or algorithms do improve, the leap in performance is large and essentially discontinuous. It looks like a quantum leap as opposed to the incremental steady climb of Moore’s law. Risk-averse program managers wanting predictable outcomes recoil from this. As a result, the work in this area is not favored. Years of failure are punished rather than seen as laying the ground for glorious success. All of this equals the choking off of progress in these areas.

The damage to the potential progress is massive. Rather than seeing a balanced approach to progress, we put all our effort into incremental computing growth. The equal or greater source of progress is ignored because we don’t know how to manage it. Computer codes move along being adapted to new computers, but encoding old models and algorithms. These new codes would nominally be perfect vehicles for introducing new algorithms and models. More often than not the codes simply move along reimplementing old models and algorithms. In many cases, we simply get the same wrong answers with poor efficiency for a greater cost. This is nothing short of a tragedy.

On occasion, we get a peek at these things. The example of DeepSeek is one such view and it was a shock. Suddenly we saw that everything we thought and had been told about LLMs was suspect. The reason for this is the acceptance of the narrative that the quality of LLMs is built on massive data and computing. The breakthrough we saw a couple years ago was powered by an algorithm (ChatGPT and LLMs were enabled by the “Transformer” algorithm). After this, we were lulled into just seeing it deriving from raw computational power. Plus it was great for NVIDIA stock and our 401Ks. It did not spur and investment into what actually drove the progress.

The algorithm was the actual “secret sauce.”

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ― Albert Einstein

Why are we such idiots? Why do we make the same mistakes over and over? Seeing the rise of computing focus while everything else fades. We learn nothing from the past. Reality is coming for us again.

“We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done.” ― Alan Turing

Fundamental American Decency

20 Monday Jan 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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decency, ethics, news, politics, writing

tl;dr

Recently, I took a trip with my elderly father. What stood out to me was the kindness, generosity and decency of everyone we encountered. This contrasts with the general discourse highlighted every day online, or in politics. This seems to say that in person we are better. Somehow we need to get our true selves engaged more and our online avatars less. If we don’t things are going to go to shit.

“I’m inspired by the people I meet in my travels–hearing their stories, seeing the hardships they overcome, their fundamental optimism and decency.” ― Barack Obama

Common Decency

Recently, I took a trip with my dad. We flew from Albuquerque to Minneapolis via a connection in Denver. The purpose was a visit to the Mayo Clinic for treatment. My brother and his wife both work at Mayo and have access to care there for my dad. It was an extremely difficult trip because of my dad’s condition. He is 87, and has multiple medical issues including near blindness. He is quite weak and needs a wheelchair in the airport. Just for reference, I am 61 and while I am fit, strong, and vibrant; I’m not a young man. This was one of the hardest flights I’ve ever taken. By the time I handed my dad off to my brother, I was exhausted emotionally and tired physically.

When I reflected upon the day traveling, one thing stood out to me. Everyone we encountered was great. People were helpful. People were generous. People were kind. At every juncture, the airport employees, the airline employees, and our fellow passengers treated us wonderfully. People observed the situation and gave my dad deference and care. People helped us and stepped aside. Flight attendants were so helpful, ingenious, and kind. I saw lots of extra effort to help us and make the best of a very difficult situation. What I saw was Americans being the best versions of themselves and it was phenomenal. It was a tonic after the recent months of horror.

With everything else going on in the USA, it also made me say “What the fuck?”

Uncommon Indecency

“A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

The entire experience of this flight is in direct conflict with what we see elsewhere in American society. All the evidence would point to Americans being mean, cruel, and thoughtless. We see anger and ignorance everywhere. We just elected a petty, cruel, and selfish man as President. The incoming President displays these characteristics all the time. Somehow Americans overlooked his obvious shortcomings, and appalling character when voting. We are about to be led by someone who is the worst of us.

In person, I saw Americans who were the complete opposite. I saw people who exemplified the care and love of their common man. I saw something that gave me pride and hope. Yet in the engagement and discourse we see every day in the news and online, Americans are horrendous to others. We can all ask why? and examine the causes for this dissonance. One would think we want to be our best selves rather than our worst.

So WTF?

I think the key difference is the prevalence of our online self and remote discourse. The online world seems to encourage a level of vitriol and negativity commonly called trolling. Social media platforms like X (Twitter) and FaceBook thrive on this sort of awful dialog. We all say and talk to people in ways that we’d never do in person. Somehow society has transformed into a reflection of this dynamic more broadly. Our politics has become like social media and unremittingly ugly. We have decided to elect the trolls to run the country. Instead of the common decency I saw in person, we see ugliness and hate. A government is the reflection of its people. Rather than good and decency like we are in person, we have chosen evil and indecency.

In every respect our lives would be better off if Americans treated each other better. Having seen what is possible on this trip this much is obvious. People can be good to each other. They can act with kindness, love, and respect to their fellow man. This stands in stark and genuine contrast to the dynamic seen every day in the news and online. People have it in them to be better. I fear that we need to be led to do good. Right now, we are being led to be the opposite. I hope we do not lose sight of what is possible.

“For the powerful, crimes are those that others commit.” ― Noam Chomsky,

Goodbye Jim with Love and Gratitude

12 Sunday Jan 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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death, faith, love, writing

tl;dr

I recently discovered that one of my best friends had died. Jim was one of the most important people in my life. But I only discovered his death 21 months after it happened. There are reasons for this. To put this in context, I’ll talk about the death of three people who have touched my life for good and ill. There are lessons to learn from each of them. Among these lessons are what people mean and how I should leave life myself when my time comes.

This essay will be about death and life. It will be a little raw. If that’s not what you’re prepared for don’t read on, or come back later when you are.

“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

How to Say Goodbye

A few weeks ago, my week started off wondering about a friend, wondering if that friend was still alive. She wasn’t. It was the week after Thanksgiving, and work was spinning up anew after the holiday. The day before Thanksgiving, my friend, Sandy, sent me a brief text: “Thank you for being a good friend and lover.” Sandy had been sick for over a year, afflicted with cancer. Later in the morning, my worry was confirmed. Sandy had passed away that morning. Her kids posted the news on her Facebook profile. The message the previous Wednesday was goodbye, and a heartfelt thanks.

I hadn’t seen her since the previous February when she told me of being worried about the cancer. Her brother had died from cancer, and it seemed to run in the family. We kept in touch through texting, and I knew generally how she was doing. Her treatments worked for a bit until they didn’t. I knew she had a PET scan. I also know how that can work. I remember the moment of seeing my father-in-law’s PET scan and knowing then that the end was near. It is a test that can be a release or a death sentence. I suspect this was what happened to Sandy. She was a lovely lady who loved heavy metal. We shared an enjoyment of Alice in Chains quite often when we got together. She was a casual friend, what someone would call a “FWB”. Still, she said goodbye and left me a thank you for the time we had.

We had closure.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

A photo of Jim from 2013 at a Mathematical Workshop he helped organize.

How Not to Say Goodbye

Sandy’s death filled me with a modest melancholy, but it was also expected. I had time to prepare and understand the context of our friendship. The very next day, I awoke to find a Facebook message that hit me hard. The previous evening, I posted the last of my series on my career, the Requiem series, with its focus this time on my time at Sandia. My friend Peter, who is a Mechanical Engineering Professor, asked about Jim. The three of us worked together in Los Alamos during Peter’s postdoc there.

About once every two or three months for the past eight years someone asks me about Jim: how can I get in touch with him? The presumption is that I will know how to contact him. I don’t, as I will explain shortly. When I woke the next morning another friend, Raphael, who is a Professor in France, notified me about Jim’s status.

My friend Jim was dead.

He had died the previous March (March 1, 2023, which I discovered via internet searches) and had managed to donate his math books to the University. He had time and knew he was going to die. He lived in a very small village in France with his wife. It was beautifully decorated in the fashion of New Mexico houses, too. That was it. I knew nothing else. Jim was gone. Worse yet, there was no closure, and there would be none.

For most of us who knew him, Jim disappeared in August 2016. I remember well our final conversation over lunch at Hot Rocks in Los Alamos a few months prior. I remember a somewhat contentious and heated discussion of the state of the Country and Lab. My own life was unsettled at that time. Jim was upset at the United States and the possibility of Trump being elected. Los Alamos had lost its luster and was disappointing him. Maybe he was disappointed with me, too. I’d been getting tattooed and had an open marriage. Maybe I wasn’t the person he thought I was. Who knows? It was a final conversation unfit for two people who had experienced so much life together. It was not a worthy goodbye to someone so important to me.

When I say Jim “disappeared”, I mean it. Aside from Raphael, no one had heard from him. Every friend I contacted since informing them that Jim had died knew nothing about his fate. I spent much of the next week contacting people who worked with Jim via e-mail and Facebook. In every case I got a note of sadness and surprise, but never anyone who said, “Yes, I had heard.” As this sank in, I felt a little bit of relief in the feeling that Jim left everyone behind. I wasn’t singled out either for good or ill. He ghosted everyone. A few friends talked about other people who disappeared suddenly, too. In every case, the disappearance of a friend is a source of pain.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ― Elie Wiesel

Closure and Perspective

One of the things that lingers with me with Jim’s death is the lack of closure. Closure as a process is a precarious and challenging concept. My wife has struggled with it as a relationship she had ended without any closure. Later over time, she got some closure, but it was deeply unsatisfying, too. It did not meet expectations at all. With Jim, nothing ever came, and he approached death without any attempt to close the door with me, or anyone else. So, it is left to the living to find a way to close this chapter of our continuing lives.

Someone else I knew died without giving me any closure. Unlike Jim, this person had a horrible influence on my life. Sam was one of the most toxic people I have ever met. The fact that he was placed in a position of leadership was an indictment of people’s judgment. He was disingenuous to his core; he was also manipulative and vindictive. He abused power. All of this is generally ignorable except the fact that I was the object of this abuse. He was behind one of the worst things in my adult life. With his death, the minute chance of apology was gone.

Any closure or forgiveness on my part was purely one-sided. I need this, too. I need to forgive Sam for his horrible behavior. I need to move on. It is a work in progress. Sam’s death was a genuine tragedy. In addition to the personal side of it, Sam never had a chance to be a better person. He never could heal from whatever demons drove him to such monstrous behavior. I can give myself some closure in that he was a victim of an environment that created his dysfunction, and a system that rewarded him for it. He hurt me badly and likely didn’t care at all. He didn’t care about the well-being of others in his charge. He acted with cowardice and dishonestly toward me. This is a sad way for someone to live. I can learn from this and work toward being a better human from the lesson.

I can also take this lack of closure forward to putting Jim’s life in perspective and how he impacted my life.

“Closure is just as delusive-it is the false hope that we can deaden our living grief.” ― Stephen Grosz

A Life Well-Lived

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

Jim was a great influence on my life. He was a good man, and I am richer for knowing him. I have worked with many great and wonderful people during my career, but Jim stands out. We had a great bond of friendship and shared numerous battles and adventures in an exciting time. For this reason, the way Jim deserted me hurt especially deeply. Anyone who knew us would have assumed Jim would stay in touch with me. His abandonment of me and all things American was painful. It is worth some deeper consideration. Perhaps, for Jim, it was simply too painful to continue engaging with all of us.

I met Jim in 1996 as we joined the hydrodynamics group in X-Division. The burgeoning ASCI program was injecting life into a weapon’s program that had been in freefall since the end of the Cold War. Our group leader, Len, had the wisdom to introduce Jim and I, seeing we might work well together. It was a stroke of genius by Len. Jim and I shared basic ethics and goals in work but also complimented each other almost perfectly. I was creative and free-thinking but lacked attention to detail at times. Jim was more confined in thinking but had meticulous attention to detail. We helped each other with our differing strengths coupled with a common vision. Together we began to sketch out a collaboration that would stretch into the next 20 years. A fast friendship made the work even better.

I had a crisis that left me with a better workplace balance. Gone was my sense of imposter syndrome, replaced with confidence. I was now imbued with the sort of scientific superiority and spirit that made Los Alamos special. Both of us inserted ourselves into the sense of possibility that ASCI gave us. We had freedom and could explore modeling nuclear weapons with computers. Together, we understood that scientific credibility in the simulations relied upon evidence. That evidence was found in verification and validation. Verification is the proof that a simulation is mathematically correct. Validation is evidence that the simulation models something close to objective physical reality.

Jim was blessed with mathematical skill and precision. He also had attention to detail that powered him to a PhD from Caltech. My pedestrian education from the University of New Mexico felt like an anchor. I graduated with a doctorate from Los Alamos. It was far greater and broader than any university could have given me. I had creativity and big ideas with an ability to dream big. Together, we were far better than either of us could be, separately. Jim was also generous and connected well with people. Both of us grew as scientists and our statures grew. We were a great team.

We were a dynamic duo with an eager energy. Ideas would bounce from each other. Throughout our time working together, the friendship grew. We also pushed each other to new heights. We hosted the first TriLab V&V workshop, and Jim’s ideas gave my own extra bite and swag. He came up with the idea of the seven deadly sins slide with the imagery of Hieronymus Bosch to spice it up. We crafted proposals together to work on the most difficult validation problems—images of turbulent chaotic flows central to our mission. Together, we joined the trips to Russia in scientific diplomacy that were part of the hope for lasting peace after the Cold War.

These trips to Russia opened a new level of connection. Jim took the hardest part of the travel and built a level of trust with the Russians. His encouragement brought me along for trips there. I went on seven international trips for this program. Two of these trips were to Vienna for a conference we hosted that included the Russians. One trip was to Ekaterinburg, 12 time zones away in January. Temperatures were as cold as –10°F. The other four trips were to Moscow, and then a train ride to Sarov. Sarov is the place where the Soviet nuclear program was born.

These trips were long and intense. It was the hardest travel I’ve ever done. Jim was a consummate traveler, always ready for every problem. On one particularly difficult trip, we ended up with nicknames. Jim’s was “Candyman”, because of his perpetual supply of homeopathic remedies. He was like a little pharmacy away from home. I remember needing stool softeners halfway into a trip and Jim having them at the ready. My nickname was “Gutterball”, characterizing my own tendency to see the dirty in everything. I could propel any conversation into the gutter in short order.

I remember one of the funniest things Jim ever said. It was 2005 and we were walking past the new NSSB building at LANL. I asked, “When will it be completed?” being completely serious for once.

Jim replied in a completely deadpan way, “When the flaming eye of Sauron is placed on top of it!”

We erupted in gut-wrenching laughter. It also tells you how Jim felt about the new Los Alamos management. This was also a harbinger of disappointments to come.

Right before I left Los Alamos, I was a manager. Jim was one of my employees. Jim was a model employee, being the best in a group full of stars. I can’t think of someone easier to manage. When I left Los Alamos in 2007, Jim followed me to Sandia shortly thereafter. The changes in Los Alamos didn’t sit well with him either.

In retrospect, I think Jim’s movement to Sandia was a twofold break from his past. On the one hand, he was searching for work that felt good. Los Alamos’ decline was stark and heartbreaking. I was providing a naive sunny-side-up view of Sandia. I suspect he never forgave me for that. Jim’s time at Sandia was unhappy. He saw it far clearer than I did. I worry that he blamed me for it and the lack of disclosure of Sandia’s faults and shortcomings. We continued to work together at Sandia, doing some great work. Nothing we did at Sandia could hit the heights Los Alamos gave us.

“To say goodbye is to die a little.” ― Raymond Chandler

With time, Sandia wore out its welcome with Jim. He still lived near Santa Fe with his wife Celine. Celine was French and a nurse. It was clear that Jim’s plan upon retirement was to live in France with its public single-provider health care. France also had a better lifestyle and attitudes than America’s nasty dog-eat-dog culture. Gradually—and then suddenly—Sandia became harder for Jim to integrate his life with. Jim left Sandia and went back to Los Alamos. He and I stayed in touch, but a space had opened. Los Alamos had also declined and was disappointing. The United States felt increasingly foreign too. In August 2016, Jim left the United States without any notice, or information about where he was. I never saw him again.

“How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.” ― Evans G. Valens

I will never know the answers. I can just look at the evidence. Jim had lost faith in Los Alamos, Sandia, and the United States. I was seemingly included in his condemnations, or not. It was and remains heartbreaking to me. Jim was as close to a brother as I had at work. We fostered a deep friendship of immense value to me. I won’t ever lose that. I am eternally grateful for knowing him and having him as a friend. I hope Jim felt the same way. I simply don’t know the answers.

It tells me that I need to work on forgiveness and connection. I want to feel the love and gratitude for Jim. I hope others feel the same for me when the time comes.

“Time doesn’t heal all wounds, only distance can lessen the sting of them.” ― Shannon Alder

What is Expertise? How does one get it?

07 Tuesday Jan 2025

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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Tags

education, expertise, mental-health, perfectionism, personal-growth

tl;dr

Most of us would be love to be recognized as an expert at something. One would think it is a way to be professionally successful. The path to expertise runs through skills and experience, but takes a bit more to actually achieve. An expert sees what can’t be taught, and has the ability to move past current knowledge and practice. The expert can solve novel problems and adapt the state of the art. Expertise is earned through hard lessons that include many mistakes and failures. It also needs to be valued and respected to be born. It is an uneven and long journey guided by grit, determination and talent. Today, the expert is also the subject of critique. Expertise is under attack. Thus, expertise today is a dangerous and perilous endeavor.

“An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject, and how to avoid them.” ― Werner Heisenberg

The Path of Expertise

“We need to be willing to risk embarrassment, ask silly questions, surround ourselves with people who don’t know what we’re talking about. We need to leave behind the safety of our expertise.” ― Jonah Lehrer

The start of expertise is always the same. You learn the basics and fundamentals of a field. First, the foundational principles are imparted to the burgeoning expert. With the foundation in place, the student turns to a focus in a given area. This follows a similar path with the knowledge be found in textbooks, or the literature. Ultimately, the student needs to begin to start the process of reproducing the state of the art independently. This means known results are recreated and compared with the standard. In this process, the student begins to pick up and demonstrate competence. In that competence gradually confidence is established. At this point the student is still not an expert. The student is a skilled practitioner. Most stop there and go no further.

Along the way important milestones occur that begin to lay the groundwork for expertise. Key among these are beginning to make the same mistakes as the preceding experts. This gets to a feature of the existing literature and knowledge for a field, mistakes and traps are not reported. Success is usually the only thing published. Often a mentorship can be established with an existing expert who provides the growing expert with guidance. Through the mistakes, guidance and lessons learned, the skilled novice inches their way toward expertise. At this point the novice is on the precipice of expertise. There is one more critical step forward to complete.

“This is a fundamental truth about any sort of practice: If you never push yourself beyond your comfort zone, you will never improve.” ― Anders Ericsson

Raw talent and ability is part of the picture, but offers traps that many fall into. There are many very talented students who basically become skilled technicians. The example of the perfect student who’s perfectionism rules their life. The valedictorian from high school is often the epitome of this person. A great student to be sure, but trapped by perfectionism. To become an expert you need the talent and grit, but you have to step into the unknown to risk and experience failure. Often as I’ve seen the perfectionist can’t break from the mold that created the success as a student. They never become an expert.

Being a perfectionist is antithetical to expertise. Given that many gifted and excellent students are perfectionists this might be counter-intuitive. A perfectionism will push a person away from failure and failing is a key part of becoming an expert. Perfectionists often stay within the boundaries of the known, and the boundaries of the known do not contain expertise. Doing what is needed to be an expert requires courage. The perfectionist is skilled, but their excellence in tinged with mediocrity. If you see someone who never fails and always does great work that person is almost certainly not an expert. Expertise is born from pushing hard past limits into the unknown, which invariably leads to mistakes and failure. The perfectionist must cast off their tendencies and the courage to take a leap into the unknown.

“Enthusiasm is more important than innate ability, it turns out, because the single more important element in developing an expertise is your willingness to practice.” ― Gretchen Rubin

Experts Matter?

I’ve always operated under the assumption that expertise is both good and matters. Experts can produce results that mere technicians cannot produce. They solve problems that were unforeseen and unexpected. There is a distinct and substantial difference between competence and expertise.

It has been recognized that experts are treated with distrust and suspicion today. This is a consequence of the unfortunate value system in the current world. There is very little doubt that expertise is under attack from all quarters. There is an entire political movement that is devoted to ignoring expertise. They are in power and operate under the premise that reality can be messaged. We see business interests built on expertise that have shed experts because they are too expensive. Boeing is a prime example. The reality is that Boeing likely a reflection of the danger rather than being an outlier.

If you want results for the long term, experts are essential. In the short term experts are terrible for the balance sheet. This is where politics and business intersect. Current trends are focused intently on the short term. Quarterly results are all that matter. Experts are simply lots of difficult reality that is cheaper to ignore. Until it isn’t. Reality will eventually assert itself. Planes crash or doors fall off. Hurricanes happen and make landfall. Reality will eventually win, and the hedge that experts represent need to be present. Then the experts are be worth every penny spent on them. Today, I wonder, will they be present to step up when needed?

I see this at work. You would think that at a National Laboratory experts would rule. They do not. Experts are a pain in the ass. When reality bites, and it will, the expert will save your ass. In these days it would seem that the message matters and reality is at bay. It is simply a matter of time, reality cannot be denied. That said, we saw experts being repudiated during Covid. More than a million people died and experts were continually beaten down or ignored. One needs to wonder, what sort of disaster would it take for the experts to be valued?

When we look at the consequences of rejection of expertise, Boeing looks like an herald of the future. I remember 20 years ago at Los Alamos taking a meeting with a Boeing engineer. He told us that Boeing eviscerated its work on turbulence getting rid of almost everyone working in the field. Only the expert who “solved” the problem was retained (Spalart) , and no more progress was needed. They had declared the problem to be solved. An absolutely ridiculous notion on the face of it. It turns out that the repudiation of expertise was even broader at Boeing. Then starting with the building of the 787 then the 737 Max, the problems started to manifest in reality. Delays and quality control problems plagued the 787. Then the actual engineering work created flaws that crashed two 737 Max planes by foreign airlines. The problems continued with a door flying off a plane more recently.

All of this seeded by the removal and rejection of expertise by the company. All of this done to improve the bottom line and the short-term financial health of the Company. Reality hit hard and now Boeing is in free fall. A sterling reputation built over decades was destroyed by cheapness and greed. The same motivations and drives are present all across the business world, and replicated at places I work. I see financial factors treated as essential and primal to success. Expertise and technical quality are afterthoughts and simply assumed to be in place.

The result is mismanagement of technical work and a collapse of expertise. The lack of trust present across society results in a fear of failure. This in turn becomes management malpractice. We are graded on how we perform on key milestones. We are basically told that these milestones cannot fail. Thus we create milestones that are too easy and can’t fail. The result being a systematic dumbing down of the most important work we do to avoid the possibility of failure. It is also the highest profile work we do, which ironically is engineered to be mediocre.

This gets to some factors in the creation of experts which are cultural and emotional. The culture of the organization needs to support the expert in several key ways. First the activities needed to develop and maintain expertise must be encouraged and resources be provided. Secondly, the expert needs to be respected and valued. The novice can easily observe whether expertise is encouraged by the management. More importantly they can see whether being an expert matters and their views are respected.

We can ask some key questions about the culture. Is being an expert a path to professional success? Does the organization provide opportunities to experts? Is being an expert a path to being supported with ease? If these questions are answered affirmatively, experts are a natural outcome.

The answer to each of these questions is now in the negative. In the business world (e.g., Boeing) and the Labs we can see this. Its consequences are starting to become obvious.

When I look at my career the answers to these questions provide a guide. When the answers were affirmative, the expertise was built and grew. When the answers were negative, expertise retreated and languished. Experts are not free, nor does their quality and availability come without broader implications. If the evidence is that expertise is not valued, one won’t put effort into being one. Without experts we cannot meet our greatest challenges with solutions that work. In the long run we can expect reality to ultimately expose our short-term strategy as flawed. It will be a failure in the bad sense of it.

Expertise is Dangerous and Expensive

“The death of expertise is not just a rejection of existing knowledge. It is fundamentally a rejection of science and dispassionate rationality, which are the foundations of modern civilization.” ― Thomas M. Nichols

In an environment that prioritizes perfectionism and allows for few or no mistakes, an expert is seen as the problem. The expert sees past the trivial and looks deeper. The perfect rarely survives past the superficial observation. The short-term management solution is to get rid of and ignore the experts. We are seeing how that worked out for Boeing. Reality bites and bites hard. What I suspect is that Boeing is simply the most evident example of a broader war on experts. Reality will show itself and expose the gaps in our strategy.

The Covid Pandemic was another example of how experts are not listened to or respected today. If the expert provides something that is uncomfortable or difficult, the current response is to ignore them. Even worse, the response is to make them a villain. The best example is the vitriol directed toward Anthony Fauci. The same is directed toward experts far and wide in less obvious ways. We simply see managers penalize and punish experts for providing a preview of reality. Usually you get the feedback that you need to work on your messaging. Be more positive and stop being a “negative Nelly.” The only good news message is broad and clear across society at large. The National Labs are no different and its hollowing them out.

“Often a sign of expertise is noticing what doesn’t happen.” ― Malcolm Gladwell

One can see the retreat of verification and validation in this light. If one is focused on perfect success V&V is the enemy. V&V is all about finding the problems with a body of work. If one looks carefully at virtually any work with V&V, problems are found. These problems are a direct assault on perfectionism. Accepting V&V examinations and evidence usually chafes the perfectionist. The simplest way for the perfectionist to survive the examination is reject it, or not do it all. This explains the retreat of V&V and the decline in the quality of the work done.

The recent death Jimmy Carter offers a window into some of the systemic problems underlying the death of expertise. While so laudable as a former President, Carter is derided for his time in office. Front and center in this assessment is the infamous “malaise” speech. It is seen as the end of the success in office as Carter called out the public in ways that ring true then and today. He was replaced in office by Reagan who foreshadowed the feel good form of communication we see replicated today. He was also an actor and public figure who mastered media. This episode also coincides with the demise of expertise as essential to success. It does not seem that these events are independent, but rather part of the same problem.

“These are dangerous times. Never have so many people had so much access to so much knowledge and yet have been so resistant to learning anything” ― Thomas M. Nichols

If Failure Isn’t an Option, Neither is Success

30 Monday Dec 2024

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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Tags

failure, mindset, motivation, resilience, success

tl;dr

Nobody enjoys failure. It is generally not celebrated. In fact, it is generally feared and reviled. It is rarely seen as the origin of true success, but that is what it is. Innovation and creation often come from failure. Yet, we see a lack of encouragement to allow failure. Instead, it is feared by most. Instead of harnessing failure, we tend to hide it. In doing so we miss the opportunities for amazing progress. If used properly, failure is the path to learning and growth. In it, we can find rebirth and redemption. Without it, we sink into stagnation and mediocrity.

Like many posts of the past, I am returning to writing about a talk that I am to be giving. The issue is that it is a five-minute talk. What I have here is not five minutes of content. So, I need to boil it down to the essence that’ll be work for later. For now, enjoy the full treatment this topic deserves. At the end of the new material is a reprint of a blog post written for Sandia Labs internally.

Fear of Failure

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” ― T.S. Eliot

Failure is bad.

Failure is embarrassing.

Failure should be avoided.

Failure is to be feared.

If we listen to our leaders at work and in politics we hear celebrations of success. Our meetings are full of stories of accomplishments and victory. When someone does something well it is promoted as the thing for others to follow. If you want to be that person you should do everything possible to succeed. Our leaders are selling us a lie, and to succeed you should first fail instead. Successes like we hear about are usually half the story or less. Our leaders are telling us half-truths that make success seem like a simple story. It is not. More often than not, success, true success is built upon failure.

If the story of success does not include failure as an integral part of it, that success is likely hollow. If there is not an element of failure, the success is likely the product of low expectations. Rather than aim high and try to succeed greatly, we choose easy expectations. Very rarely does great success come without difficulty. Those difficulties are numerous failures. Yet when we listen to what our managers say and do, failure is to be avoided. Failure is a source of shame. Failure is to be feared. This is management malpractice. We are missing any opportunity for greatness in the process.

“life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity, & stumble from defeat to defeat.” ― Anaïs Nin

I wrote a blog post for Sandia recently on the subject (the November ND Post). It was a nice piece although the ground rules for writing at Sandia are different than here. It was far more vanilla and bland than what I’d normally write (because Sandia requires dull flavorless prose). Of course, this is actually part of the problem with the institution. Part of failure is taking risks, and in writing maybe offending someone is a risk. Fuck people like that! I’m going to be a lot spicer here. I will also include the actual post at the end of this one along with links to earlier takes on this important, timely, and timeless topic.

Failure is the Route to Success

“Victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.” ― John F. Kennedy

If we could get our managers to talk about failure, it would be a breakthrough. I’ll not hold my breath on this happening. Managers are much better at pretending everything is great. They like to believe that success can happen without difficulty. Yet difficulties and failures are usually essential to any story of success. These failures are actually the interesting part of the story too. The result is a far more boring version of what we do.

Failure is essential to learning. Research is learning. So the obvious conclusion is that if we want to have research success and learn more, we need to fail. Part of embracing failure is pushing the boundaries of what you know, or what you can do. The key is to learn from those failures. The key is to use failure to build yourself. I can provide a few lessons from my own life as object lessons in failure.

“In any case you mustn’t confuse a single failure with a final defeat.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night

I’ve written several times about the failure at the heart of one of my greater achievements professionally. My most cited paper is on a numerical method called volume tracking. At the weapons labs, this is a very important method. In the 1980’s David Youngs from AWE introduced a new way to do this that was quickly adopted in the USA too. In the early 1990’s I became interested in this method at Los Alamos. It was essential to how our weapon’s codes simulated multiple material hydrodynamics. This was the thing I wanted to do and become an expert at. I’d already contacted Doug Kothe in the Theoretical Division and started building a collaboration. The way I approached learning about it was the tried and true method of first reproducing the state of the art. Once you can reproduce the state of the art, you then try to advance it. This is the way expertise is gained. You are not an expert by knowing the state of the art; you are an expert when you can advance it.

I had seen how Youngs’ method was coded up at Los Alamos, and I worked to independently implement it myself. I did this successfully and set about testing the method using verification problems. These included some new problems I had adapted to testing volume tracking more strenuously (my first advance of the state of the art). Everything was working as desired. Then I tried to improve the method and everything went awry. Suddenly my attempt was a failure! I could never debug it properly. The way the method was written at Los Alamos had too much cyclomatic complexity (which is logical intensity). I needed to go back to the drawing board. I went back to the origins of the method and decided to try something new. I would compose the method through computational geometry operations. Suddenly the implementation was tractable and successfully debugged. We published the method along with our new tests. This paper now has more than 2000 citations. Even better the actual code I wrote is still being used by Los Alamos in one of its mainstream codes.

All of this success is founded on a failure. Without the failure, the success would have been less.

“Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.” ― Edward Abbey

In a greater sense, the greatest successes of my life are all founded on huge failures. Each of these failures was heavy and inescapable. Each pushed me back to the drawing board to reimplement part of my life. Each time I needed to rethink something essential to how I lived. My life today is almost entirely shaped by these three episodes. Without the failures, I would be someone different, far less successful, or happy.

I’ve talked about the end of my first year of grad school. I dropped a class and did poorly in another during the Spring Semester. Each class was essential to how I wanted my future to play out. Together these failures showed me that my dreams were dying. If I didn’t change I wouldn’t accomplish my goals. I had to completely rethink my approach to school. The way I had succeeded as an undergrad or high school student did not work. I needed to be mre serious and put much more effort into my studies. I made a huge investment in time and effort to become a different student. I changed how I approached learning and acting in a school setting. I became completely different in academics. This change laid the groundwork for success at Los Alamos too.

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?” ― Paulo Coelho

Later on in my time at Los Alamos, I had a string of panic attacks. My work-life balance was completely out of whack. I was working way too hard and sacrificing too much as a husband and parent. I needed to rebalance my life. The way I approached my early career was no longer working for the full breadth of my life. In that decision, I gave up on my imposter syndrome and accepted my success. I walked away as a better husband, better father, and a confident (perhaps even imposing) scientist. I changed myself from the man who had nearly fallen apart. A truism learned through the pain of this failure is that it is the source of wisdom.

Later on, as I approached midlife, I found that I was not happy hiding myself at work. The result was tattoos and a more open self away from work. I also found that my marriage was not monogamous. In the wake of that I discovered my natural tendency toward open love and non-monogamy. In the failure of my traditional monogamous marriage, a new relationship was born. I became a new version of myself with a new marriage. I’ve often said that I have had three different marriages to the same woman. Each rebirth had us growing together instead of apart. Every time I failed, I stepped up to rebuild my life from the ground up. I needed to change and all my success is found by learning from those failures. Everything I value today comes from the fountain of growth that are failures.

“Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error.” ― George Bernard Shaw

Barriers to Progress

The verification and validation (V&V) program offers a unique window into attitudes toward failure. If functioning properly V&V would find failures all the time. In fact, it does, but usually, the response is to paper over or cover up the failure. Rarely, if ever, does the failure result in an appropriate action to fix the underlying problem. There seems to be an attitude that everything should be working now. We should just be able to model and simulate everything perfectly. An honest assessment of validation would tell us that our models are deeply imperfect. We resort to calibration of virtually every serious model. Yet we sell it as the epitome of success. Instead, it is a failure we haven’t learned from.

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

With the practice of verification, this tendency is even worse. Part of it is how verification is packaged. Code verification is about finding bugs. A code bug is just wrong and simple to fix. Solution verification is just an exercise in numerical error and after the exascale program that should be a thing of the past too. Both of these viewpoints are utterly wrong-headed. Verification can find fundamental issues with a code. These are places where the code simply does not work at all. Our shock codes offer a perfect example of this, yet our managers ignore these problems. They make excuses to justify their inattention to serious issues. This is the wrong sort of failure and they desire to not even admit it. Numerical errors still vex our calculations even with our limitless computing power (especially compared to 30 years ago). Instead, we embrace the view of success and push failure away.

Almost nothing we do spells out our unhealthy view of failure like V&V does. It holds a mirror up to our capabilities and often shows our faults. Most of the time is a response that screams “our shit doesn’t stink!” After ignoring the evidence you are not better, and your shit still stinks.

“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

It might be very good to look in the mirror. Are you an “A” student always chasing the top grade in a class? This might describe a lot of you, and it might be the thing holding you back. If you end up afraid to fail, your growth will end. All you’ll be good at is what others created. You will never create anything of your own. Creation is an act of destruction too. You are destroying barriers and creating new paths where none existed before. Sometimes the limits you learned of need to be unlearned. This is the art of failure in the right way. Too many great students cannot throw off the limits of being right and let themselves be wrong. Only through being wrong can a new path be crafted leading to genuine innovation.

Our expectations of ourselves are often our worst enemy. Sometimes we avoid failure because of shame. We see failure reflecting on our qualities. The right way to see failure is feedback. We are being offered a chance to learn about what is needed for success. The variable is the extent of our grasp for success. This is a key point: if you never fail, you aren’t trying. You very clearly are not performing anywhere close to your potential. Lack of failure is actually a red flag. The only way to grow and learn is to fail. Having a distinct fear of failure is a fear of growth and change. Failure is about defining your limits and working past them.

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” ― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

A great way of seeing this is through the concept of flow. Flow is where you become fully enveloped in a task with time melting away. One of the most common ways to experience flow is play. If you are playing and fully enjoying yourself with a pure focus, you are in the flow. The key to being in flow is a degree of challenge that requires you to be fully engaged. Challenge means failure is always a possibility. Success is important too. Flow comes from being close to the edge of your competence. Results are a mix of success and failure. You have mostly success keeping you encouraged, but enough failure to grow, learn, and require full attention. A great question is what gets you to flow? Does work ever put you in this state? If not, how can it?

What gets me into a state of flow? At work, I get into the analysis of numerical methods either deriving them or finding their stability or accuracy. My tool of choice is Mathematica. I used to get into flow while running especially in Los Alamos as my mind would wander and free associate. Running is one of the things I really miss about getting older. I also got into flow while refereeing soccer. I had limits to my competence as a ref, and it always pulled me into full attention. Really great sex can produce a flow state too. Part of this admission is the connection of sex to play along with the possibility of failure. A flow state is one of the greatest feelings in life.

What really stands in the way of success. Fear! So many of us are afraid of failing because somehow it will reflect on our worth. There is a sense of shame that powers a lot of this fear. This is hopelessly a misguided principle to adopt. Sacrificing greater success to avoid the fear of failing is worse than cowardice. It is a denial of the potential for growth and the expansion of knowledge. Life is about learning, growing and changing. As always this is a voyage into the unknown, and unknown is where fear lives. Only through the encouragement and trust of our fellow travelers can this voyage be safely taken. Unfortunately in recent times the fear of failure is real. It is real because those in positions of power will attack it as if it was a personal failing. This is simply abuse of power in the worst sense. It is outright incompetence and an invitation to mediocrity. My greatest fear is that we’ve already embraced mediocrity fully and our failure is complete.

“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” ― Rumi

Take the Leap

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.” ― William Faulkner

Honestly when I think of today’s labs, I rarely think of failure. We have a bunch of employees who may have never failed, or at least admitted to it. If they did fail they might try to hide it from view. We need some fucking leadership with balls to break the mold. Let’s talk about how to fuck up well. The way to really kick ass is to fuck up, admit it, learn a thing or two, and try again, try better. Take a chance and risk it all for a bigger reward. What I see instead is extremely competent mediocrity. Taking a risk recognizes the virtuous cycle of failing, with learning and growing from the experience. The need to get out of our collective comfort zones and push the boundaries. We need to trust ourselves and each other and embrace failure.

Failure is good.

Failure is necessary.

Failure should be sought.

Only fear the failure that you don’t learn from.

I’ve been writing about this for years with themes on failure, risk and trust part of this witch’s brew of dysfunction. The problems I discuss here have been on my mind for years.

https://williamjrider.wordpress.com/2016/05/27/failure-is-not-a-bad-thing/
https://williamjrider.wordpress.com/2015/10/23/we-want-no-risk-and-complete-safety-we-get-mediocrity-and-decline/
https://williamjrider.wordpress.com/2014/12/05/is-risk-aversion-killing-innovation/
https://williamjrider.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/trust/

My post for Sandia National Labs’ ND Blog

Failing as a Path to Success

November 4, 2024 | Published by ndcomms admin

by Bill Rider

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan, American businessman and former basketball player. Widely considered one of the best basketball players of all time

If you know anything about basketball, you know that Michael Jordan (MJ) is the Greatest Of All Time (GOAT). Even after the storied careers of LeBron James and Kobe Bryant, MJ still holds that title. His highlight reels are jaw-dropping even now, twenty years after he last played. Jordan knows a thing or two about success and greatness: he won six NBA championships and an Olympic gold medal. And one thing that MJ understands better than anyone is that all success is built on failure. He is the epitome of Nike’s slogan, “Just Do It.”

The foundation of excellence and success is failure

MJ was a master of being in the zone and teams were constantly struggling to pause his pace of play. Maybe you, too, have been doing something and suddenly realized hours have melted away. If so, you’ve experienced something called “being in a state of flow.” I experienced flow when I started writing this first draft: the words just effortlessly appeared on the page. This “flow” concept was discovered by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who found that to achieve this state, one must be challenged by the task. He stated that one should be failing at a task between 20-30 percent of the time. Fail too much, and you’ll be discouraged; fail too infrequently, and you’ll be bored. One needs a delicate balance between those extremes. People who achieve excellence in all forms of endeavor experience flow in the process. The lesson is that failure is necessary to achieve optimal performance. 

Failure’s role in success

Speaking of optimal performance, I’m sure we can all be proud of the United States’ moon landing in 1969. But did you know this massive success was built on numerous spectacular failures? Early on, the American rocket program experienced repeated launch pad explosions and other mishaps. During the height of the Cold War, the United States was in a neck-and-neck battle for scientific superiority with the Soviet Union, and they already beat us into space with Sputnik 1 and sending the first human into orbit around the Earth. Yet we persisted. Even with further setbacks, such as the disastrous Apollo 1 fire that tragically killed three astronauts, we persevered and became the first to put man on the moon. This event stands as a pinnacle of American achievement.

Our nuclear weapons program is also filled with stories of failure paving the way to success. In 1944, the Manhattan Project was in the midst of developing the first atomic bomb, and Sandia was just a division of Los Alamos National Laboratory (LANL). Part of the Manhattan Project involved having two physicists (Hans Bethe and Richard Feynman, both of whom later won Nobel Prizes in Physics in consecutive years in the 1960s) simulate an implosion on a computer using two separate algorithms: one developed by physicist Tony Skryme and the other by another brilliant mind of the 20th century, John von Neumann. Notably, Bethe and Feynman had spectacular failures in their attempts when using Von Neumann’s algorithm. They did have success in the spring of 1944 when using a completely different method developed by Skryme.

However, the algorithm developed by von Neumann was considered more critical to advancing nuclear weapons. So, after WWII, failure did not deter LANL from pursuing improvements to von Neumann’s method. Another enterprising genius, Richard Richtmyer, found a way to make von Neumann’s method work, and this has since become the absolute workhorse of nuclear weapons design. In fact, the failure of the original method and the ability to learn from it paved the way for a technique still in use today. This method has been used to design the entire stockpile, save for those first couple of designs. (See: Morgan, Nathaniel R., and Billy J. Archer. “On the origins of Lagrangian hydrodynamic methods.” Nuclear Technology 207, no. sup1 (2021): S147-S175.)

Failure as a vehicle for greater discovery and success

In the mid 1990s when I was working at LANL, I wrote a paper with colleague Doug Kothe (our current Division 1000 Associate Laboratories Director), and this paper has now been cited over 2,000 times (See: Reconstructing Volume Tracking). The computer code we described is still being used in one of the main stockpile analysis codes at LANL. This is a story of success, but it didn’t start that way; it was failure that laid the foundation.

One of the key methodologies in weapons’ codes at LANL is interface tracking, and a specific method used in many of these codes was developed by British scientist David Youngs, MBE. I knew mastering this code was important to the Lab’s mission, so I set about to implement the code from scratch and then improve it. To my delight, I succeeded and then went about creating necessary improvements. At this point, unfortunately, everything fell apart. My implementation was too complex and ultimately proved impossible to debug.

I went back to the drawing board. First, I needed to learn a totally new field of computational geometry. Next, I devised a way to implement the method that was simple and easy to debug. Now I could improve the method without issues, and all because I had gone through an earlier disaster. Without my failure, the creation of something better would never have happened. Looking at these codes today, one can see they are implemented as I discovered them. I crucially changed a fundamental method and contributed to an important methodology for simulating our stockpile, and all of this success was based on a failure.

Failure as a goal

I leave you with some words of wisdom: embrace your failures. Sandians aren’t going to fill out our annual goals with all the failures we hope to make this year, but maybe we should! Ironically, we might succeed more and more grandly if we failed more and more consistently. This is only true if we fail the right way – if we learn from our failures and use them to fuel something greater. Failure is the lifeblood of all success. We should embrace it.

“I know fear is an obstacle for some people, but it’s an illusion to me. Failure always made me try harder next time.” 

Michael Jordan, GOAT

Nuance is the Way Forward

15 Sunday Dec 2024

Posted by Bill Rider in Uncategorized

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donald-trump, innovation, leadership, news, politics

tl;dr

In debates around almost anything today, extremes rule. When extreme views are taken it always favors the conservative/status quo side. The progressive’s more extreme views are a loser. To provide progressive views that will win the day, nuance and subtlety need to be embraced. This means letting go of dogmatic ideology and making compromises. Simple extreme views are rarely fit for progress only playing into the conservative’s hands. Reasonable and moderate positions can offer progress in a manner that more people are comfortable with. This is the path to genuine progress.

“Tyranny is the deliberate removal of nuance” ― Albert Maysles

The extremes are ruining today

We are witnessing the broad consequences of extremes ruling the political dynamic. The conversations nationally are dominated by extreme views on the left and the right. One of the prevailing issues is that conservative extremes are more acceptable to broad swaths of the population. Why? Conservative ideas are familiar while progressive ideas are not. Thus progressive ideas carry a burden conservative ideas are free of. This is especially true of cultural topics but carries over to economics and foreign affairs. I’ve also seen this apply in the scientific and technical realms.

In my professional life I work with computer codes that simulate things in the national security world. I am paid to work on things that are very energetic and either lead to or cause explosions. These problems are extremely challenging and always push the limits of technology. Nonetheless, these problems have been successfully solved. Moreover, the codes solving them have been around for decades. At Los Alamos, the first calculations started during the Manhattan Project. At Sandia, the calculations began in the late 1960’s. As such in either place there is a successful status quo. At every juncture, smart people got the job done and successfully simulated stuff. This utility preserved the continued use of simulation and its support institutionally.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ― Clare Boothe Luce

The rub is that the first way to do things is crude and clumsy. This produces a status quo that many practical people hold onto. Once simulation became commonplace and powerful, the way it is done became entrenched. The users of the results started to become invested in maintaining the status quo. They would resist changes to how things were done. This produced what was called legacy codes. Through huge efforts, the legacy codes were replaced with modern codes on modern computers. Now the replacement codes are the status quo. Improving or changing them is resisted as were the original legacy codes.

The same thing happens in politics and culture. Change requires massive effort, and once the change sets in, resistance builds as it becomes the status quo. The way to see the 2024 election is through the lens of resistance to change. Conservative politics is driven by resistance and reaction to change. They are the counter to progress and the discomfort with it. The same thing happens in science and technology. The key is that the status quo always has the advantage of simplicity. Change is always really hard and resisted by those who believe things are good enough..

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

We need real answers

In science, we have Occam’s razor where the simplest solution is favored. Invariably, the existing practice or solution is seen as simple. It exists and works for all, but the most keen observers. This is true for public policy or science. In my life, we see this with computer codes and simulation. The status quo says “The current stuff is getting the job done, why change? plus it’s expensive and difficult, it could fail too.” All of this forms the natural resistance to change. It’s easier to simply stick with the status quo. I’ve seen this time and time again at work. Right now, the status quo is winning. Like our political world, science where I am is conservative and progress is resisted.

“It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.” ― Isaac Asimov, Foundation

With little modification, this dynamic applies to politics. The basic principles I’ve seen at work apply broadly to policy. Take economic policy where unbridled capitalism is status quo. The issues it causes are profound, but change is scary. Plus capitalism has immense power available to maintain itself through propaganda. In cultural affairs, traditional relationships are the most common and have the advantage. The simple message of two biological sexes or a simple monogamous marriage of a man and woman is seen as settled. Any change feels uncomfortable for a majority of people and even downright scary. All of this powers the conservatives to use this fear to their advantage.

“If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself.” ― Albert Einstein

When doing scientific work, the arguments for changing status quo practices are deep and nuanced. The status quo already works and always has the advantage. Any progress is difficult and has an uphill battle. In science, we have the scientific method to level the playing field. Even then the status quo has an advantage over better solutions. The spirit of science is very much focused on progress. In engineering the balance is far more tilted toward conservatism.

Sometimes the advantage of progress needs to be so strong that the improvement is obvious. Progress happens only when it is demonstrated. This looks like a revolution, but really it is a long process where someone takes a chance and shows the status quo what it is missing. This process is behind the time lag between discovery and broad acceptance of new ideas. There is a large bit of chance to this. This is also incredibly frustrating to us scientific progressives.

To look at this in public policy there are many examples. No single example may be more instructive than marriage equality. In a very short time, the idea of gay people marrying moved from unthinkable to broad acceptance. How did this happen?

“It was a defeat, resorting to crude threats in a game of subtlety, but sometimes one must sacrifice a battle to win the war.” ― Mark Lawrence, Prince of Thorns

I think the reasons for success go back to tragedy. The plague of AIDS struck the gay community hard ravaging and killing broadly. On the one hand, it galvanized the gay community toward action. Their activism fell short of moving the public until the illness began to appear in the broader public. Ryan White was a child who got AIDS through the blood supply. Suddenly AIDS was more than just a gay disease. The tide turned with treatments and medicine coming eventually to subdue the disease.

The activism left a deeper mark on society. The gay community was drawn together and part of their activism was “coming out”. All of a sudden many gay people were known to broad swaths of society. They were present as coworkers, neighbors, and friends. Someone being gay suddenly became normal and commonplace. This created the necessary empathy and compassion to make marriage equality sensible. It went from unthinkable to the law of the land in a flash.

“When you dig just the tiniest bit beneath the surface, everyone’s love life is original and interesting and nuanced and defies any easy definition.” ― Taylor Jenkins Reid, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

In my opinion, this should be the model for the progressives. The way marriage equality went from unthinkable to acceptable should be studied and deconstructed. Progressives need to apply these lessons to their causes. This requires a level of nuance and subtle action rather than what is seen as extreme and fear-causing. Simplicity always favors the status quo. Progressives, however right they are about a subject should avoid simplicity and embrace nuance.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

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