“Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

Last Sunday night, a friend called me with tragic news. Our mutual friend Tim had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, and I was absolutely shocked. Tim is about 10 years older than me, so his passing is at too young an age. It does beg the question of what age is not too young, 80? 85? Tim’s death leaves an enormous gulf in my life. His death is also one of several that have visited me in the past year or so.

“In the long run we are all dead.” – John Maynard Keynes

I’ve mentioned my father’s passing, but also my friend Jim, who I wrote about earlier. Jim’s death was more shocking, but also strange as the news came a couple of years after he was gone. Together, Jim and Tim are two of the most consequential people in my work life and had both become great friends. The difference with Tim is that he was still present. At this time, my friend Jim has been absent from my life for 10 years. Our final conversation was not good, as he was angry at seemingly everything. Tim and I were still talking as if we had all the time in the World.

“We are always getting ready to live but never living.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We didn’t. Our last conversation was simply a placeholder to be picked up.

For Tim, I was planning on meeting him this week for one of our usual brunches and amazing conversations. It would be the time to pick up the thread we left at. I will miss his generosity of spirit, intellect, his wisdom, and most of all, his friendship and warmth.

I had a plethora of things to talk about with Tim. A recap of the conference I attended in France, my talk, and the paper that was accepted for publication. The swift and sudden primacy of AI. AI and mathematics are an important topic. I had shared Terry Tao’s talk on the role of AI in math. This had been eclipsed by the OpenAI claim of solving the Navier-Stokes Millennium problem. This faded in the concept of the probability of human extinction from AI. My sense is the danger is different, but perhaps as dire. I was longing to share the idea and receive Tim’s wise and generous reaction. His knowledge and experience with Sandia was invaluable. There are still ideas and thoughts to explore there.

“Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind toward some resolution which it never finds.” – Robert Anderson

Two of Tim’s passions combined to produce a lasting impact on the security of the nation. For his entire career, Tim devoted himself to impacting national security. This was true particularly with respect to nuclear weapons. He made key contributions with computational modeling supporting these missions at Sandia. This started with analysis he personally conducted. This then seeded efforts that impacted our entire National effort. He was pivotal in establishing verification and validation for computations supporting our nuclear weapons stockpile.

Tim was also passionately concerned about the quality of these computations. When the nation stopped testing nuclear weapons in Nevada, we turned to computational modeling. Soon after, that program realized it needed better quality control. These processes are known as verification and validation. In 1999, this quality control aspect was added to our National program. Tim was central to driving this change, advising our National leaders. This element of the program remains essential today. Tim launched it and shaped it core ideas. The power of the ideas was deeply impacted by Tim’s efforts and genius.

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Adams

His ideas are being adapted by colleagues for the future, where AI will have a bigger role in National security. The quality of the technical work supporting our National security owes a debt of gratitude to Tim. His pioneering vision for the quality of the work supporting it is due to his tireless efforts. Due to his passion and generosity, he was still shaping the key ideas. This effort was through his mentoring of important young people working in this area.

So the loss of Tim is more than personal. It is a loss for all of us. For me, it is another blow in a year that has had many. The message I have gotten is the transience of life. It is short and precious. We have less time than we think, and the important people can be taken without warning. There’s never a good way. My dad had too much warning, and that isn’t good either. Seeing him be fragile and on the edge of death for over a year was a horror. My conclusion is that it is all awful, but unavoidable. I need to come to terms with it.

My advice is that all of us need to wrap our heads around death. Our own is a huge lift. Before that eventuality, we all deal with loved ones dying. We will lose important people in our life. That process accelerates as we age. I have now graduated to the part of life where my peers begin to die. You are never ready for it. Those losses become an echo of your own mortality. It reminds you of your own fate.

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe

The real lesson is to treasure your friends sooner. If you live long enough, you will lose friends. Eventually your death will be a loss to others. This is simply part of the price of life. If you live a life that matters, your death will hurt others. It is just as true that some deaths will hurt you. All of it is a small price to pay for the wonder and joy of life. Do more to lower the regrets of things not said. Say what you need to now and don’t wait. Do the right thing now.

“Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to live. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.” – Marcus Aurelius